This post comes from some downtime I had and seeing my friend lose his son he shared some things that he had wanted to say to his boy that he never got the chance to say. Heartbreaking and out of nowhere but he said some beautiful things as a dad that he should be proud of and it had me thinking. As a father, I have a daughter who now is a young woman but much of what I am sharing below I’ve taught her and I’ve seen with my own two eyes that she does these things.
That alone validates me as a dad, as a father and as a teacher that Im doing the right thing. But it shouldn’t just be passed from father to child, why can’t I share my thoughts here for more people to see.
Life Lessons for Young Men:
1. Never shake a hand when sitting down.
Standing up shows respect and engagement. It signifies that you value the person you are meeting and are fully present in the interaction. Its the right thing to do and can you really trust someone that doesn’t stand up to greet you? think about it.
2. Protect who is behind you, and respect who is beside you.
I love this one. This emphasizes loyalty and honour. Protecting those behind you means safeguarding your family, friends, and teammates. Respecting those beside you signifies recognizing the equality and value of your peers.
3. Never insult the cooking when you are the guest.
My mum would slap me if I spoke badly about the food I was given when visiting friends, Showing gratitude and respect for hospitality is essential. Criticizing the cooking is disrespectful and ungrateful, especially when someone has gone out of their way to host you.
4. Never eat the last piece of something you didn’t buy.
This rule underscores courtesy and consideration for others. It demonstrates awareness and respect for shared resources and the contributions of others. If you feel you need to then ask everyone else if they want it before you take it.
5. Never make the first offer in a negotiation.
I am less inclined nowadays to do this as you can lose a deal, lose a house and more as people are generally becoming more aggressive and less mannered. Letting the other party make the first offer can provide strategic advantages. It gives you insight into their expectations and can help you negotiate better terms.
6. Don’t take credit for work you didn’t do.
This one is big for me and especially in my team, I want to know who collaborated on this so I know the chemistry, I know the way that they work and what the end result was. Integrity in acknowledging others’ efforts is crucial. Taking undue credit undermines trust and damages your credibility. Always name your collaborators, its a sign of respect from you to them for their efforts.
7. Take the blame, and give credit when due.
Owning up to mistakes and recognizing others’ contributions builds respect and trust. It shows maturity and leadership. If you had help acknowledge the person that helped you.
8. If you are not invited, don’t ask to go.
Respecting boundaries and invitations is key to maintaining good social etiquette. It avoids awkward situations and respects the host’s intentions. I am big on this, but in today’s market if you don’t ask you do not get, so I’m a bit more flex on this one.
9. Always aim for the head.
This metaphorical rule can apply to many scenarios, implying that you should strive for excellence and precision in your efforts. Another example is go straight for the neck in reference to an aggressive negotiation or conversational experience with another person where you don’t maintain politeness and go for the neck or your point.
10. Don’t beg for a relationship.
In my experience once she says no, its time to move on. There really are many more fish in the sea when it comes to women. I’ve seen a lot of buddies really drag themselves through the mud to get the girl and in the end, I feel like she said yes just out of sympathy. Self-respect and dignity are important. Desperation can lead to unhealthy dynamics and undervalues your worth.
Your squad goal should be to have her chasing you. That’s the ideal scenario because you then 100% know shes keen as in you and you don’t have to grovel to her. You should also not ever accept that you take what you can get, you can get what you set your sights on if you put the work in. Know her name, know her likes and dislikes, really connect with her and see her as a person not a piece of meat.
If relationships were easy we would all have fab girlfriends and never ever break up or divorce but the reality is they are hard work and take even more work to make them last. Put into your relationship what you want your partner to put into you.
11. Dress well no matter what the occasion.
Good grooming and dressing appropriately show respect for yourself and others. It also boosts confidence and makes a positive impression.
I’ve never really been a good dresser, I live in shorts and tee shirts so I cant confidently say I live this rule, But I do always carry a jacket, extra shoes and socks and a towel just in case the beach calls and I need a change of clithes.
12. Always carry cash.
Being prepared for various situations, including emergencies, is practical. It reflects foresight and responsibility. We depend too much on plastic cards to carry our wealth but nothing beats hard cash when in an emergency.
13. Listen, nod, and most of all make eye contact.
Active listening and non-verbal engagement are crucial for effective communication. They show that you value and are attentive to the speaker. Learn the art of looking and engaging but not staring, its an art to master.
For me back in my bouncing days (security work) I would learn this a lot in many scenarios both social and in danger learning to use my peripheral vision while maintaining eye contact with the main instigator. It actually kept my ass out of trouble for the most part learning how to use my eyes and senses
14. Show restraint in expressing anger, no matter what. Being angry is a waste of energy.
Managing anger is vital for maintaining composure and making rational decisions. It prevents regrettable actions and fosters a more positive environment.
I learnt a valuable lesson in this many years ago I was travelling back home after taking my young daughter to see a movie, we were hit by another car as we exited a roundabout. Immediately she started crying having never been in a car accident she didn’t know what to do, I remained calm but I saw my daughter grab her neck and cry add to that I also saw the other vehicle try to start their engine to drive off. I couldn’t have that happen.
I was anything but calm, picture the red Hulk. That’s pretty much what I was doing string arming the driver and his buddy so they couldn’t drive away I took the keys and was screaming at them. blah blah more stuff happened and I was not my best self and my daughter witnessed me turn into an anger-fueled Hulk monster. She still remembers that to this day as one of her scariest moments so it really does pay to master your emotions.
If you get into anything that causes anger or emotion, take a moment to compose yourself, breathe through your nose, deep breathe and clear you mind. You want to focus on the matter at hand, weigh up options, and outcomes and make sure you keep in control of your actions. The fog of war and tunnel vision are real in intense moments, and you can get past them by taking control.
15. Whether it’s dinner, drinks, or both, avoid placing your phone on the dinner table.
I never put my phone on the table, I always keep it in my pocket, the master lesson is connect with the table in front of you. Ill take that to the bank as a quote I stand by. Prioritizing face-to-face interactions over digital distractions shows respect and attentiveness to those present.
I honestly feel like my IRl friend circle is shrinking because of this, people you would connect with a lot start to fade away anytime a screen is in front of them. In turn, my interest in repeating myself or waiting for them to finish typing or laughing at reels isn’t how I want to spend my free time.
16. Never pose with alcohol.
My old man told my brother this, why are you showing everyone you are drinking some things should be kept off Facebook. I agree with him, but I don’t really have a say in the matter having not had an alcoholic drink since 1999 I have no ground here. Maintaining a responsible image is important. Posing with alcohol can convey unprofessionalism or recklessness.
17. Proper grammar will get you far in life. Leave the foul language for the less educated.
Good communication skills, including proper grammar, enhance your credibility and professionalism. Avoiding foul language shows respect and maturity. I read emails three times before sending and the same with text messages, Tinder messages anything Im sending to people I care about or want to have some relationship business or otherwise about.
18. Ask more than you answer.
Showing interest in others by asking questions fosters better relationships and understanding. It also demonstrates humility and a willingness to learn.
19. You can tell a great deal about a person by their handshake, so make yours strong and firm.
A firm handshake conveys confidence and sincerity. It is often the first impression you make, so it’s important to get it right.
20. Speak honestly. Say what you mean and mean what you say.
Honesty builds trust and integrity. It involves being truthful and consistent, fostering deeper connections and mutual respect. Speaking honestly also means balancing truth with empathy and tact, ensuring that your words are respectful and considerate.
Here are three more that will make my mum proud:
- Open the door for people who are carrying things
- On public transport get up if women or the elderly are standing ignoring all the gender equality BS just donate your seat
- Help someone less fortunate than you with something, when you can and where you can
I hope this helps some young men learn valuable life lessons for becoming a man. The old days are passing us and with it goes some learnings that help men be men. With all the equality stuff happening its hard to know if being nice is being a dick, I was taught to open doors for women and the elderly and to give my seat up for them if I was sitting on a bus or train.
If you liked this please tell me and Ill make more because it is a topic near and dear to me as a dad.
*One of my friends shared a post with some of these items on his list and I made some edits and tweaks.